Up In Smoke
by Sara Jaye
Summary: A collection of one-shots written for Zukaang week of March 2010.
1. Dazed and Confused

Day #1: Motive

* * *

I'll never tell him this, but Uncle was right. It's a hopeless case, even if I did capture the Avatar I still can't go home. Father gave me one chance and I blew it when Zhao proclaimed me a traitor to the Fire Nation. And sometimes when I really think about it, Father wouldn't have let me come back even if I _had_ succeeded before. He just wanted to be rid of me.

So why do I keep chasing the Avatar? I'm not stupid, I know there's no point anymore. Azula is Father's perfect heir and I'm just _nothing_. Uncle says we'll be happy living our brand new lives as simple tea servants, that we never needed any of that silly finery or glory anyway, and I _want_ to believe him.

But I'm no happier than I was before. I'm just _confused._

The Avatar...what_ is_ he to me, anyway? Why do my thoughts always go back to him, why do I keep wanting to capture him even if there's no reason to anymore?

The night I rescued him from Zhao, I did it so he couldn't take the glory. I was ready to turn him in to Father...but instead, I let him go. Well, more like chased him off, but still. Why did I let him go?

Then there's the time he saved me at the North Pole. That girl he's always with, she nearly froze me to death. She and the other kid were happy to just leave me there, but the Avatar...he pulled me up onto the bison, held my hands and tried to warm me. I still remember the touch of his hands against mine...vaguely remember him saying he wouldn't let me die. I remember thinking, what kind of fool would rescue his enemy, and then later I tried to save Zhao from the Ocean Spirit.

...why am I even smiling at I think about this? The Avatar has caused me nothing but trouble, and yet...

_Zuko? If we met earlier...do you think we could have been friends?_

Damn him! Somehow his stupid, childish little question changed everything!

I still need him. Not to capture so I can make Father proud, I just...somehow, I feel like he completes my life.

That's why I'll never stop chasing him. I want to know _why_ he does this to me, why I feel this way.

Someday, Avatar...


	2. A Good Person

_Day #2: Storms_

This works from the premise of "First Sight", in which Zuko found Aang in the iceberg. A quickie explanation for this fic's supposed 'verse, Aang goes with Zuko and they end up helping Sokka and Katara along the way.

*

"...and that is how Prince Zuko got his scar," Iroh finished, and a collective murmur rose from the crew. Aang was barely listening at this point, his mind was filled with the image of a bright-eyed youth broken and shamed before the crowd and he felt _sick_ just thinking about it.

_So that's why he was trying to capture me._ He swallowed hard as the sound of thunder and pouring rain filled the tiny room.

"Aang, are you feeling well?" Iroh asked. "I apologize if that story traumatized you so."

"I..." Aang shook his head. "I need to find Zuko. Which way is his room?"

"Upstairs, second door on the left," Lieutenant Jee said. Aang stood up slowly and walked out of the room, his head reeling from both the rocking of the ship and what he'd just learned about his friend.

He and Zuko had much more in common than he ever thought possible, both robbed of their happiness by making mistakes they would live with for the rest of their lives. _But I did the wrong thing because I was scared, and I'm paying for it the rest of my life, _he thought. _Zuko tried to do the **right** thing and was banished for it._ He sighed as he approached Zuko's door, knocking slowly.

"Zuko?"

"It's open," a muffled voice said, and Aang stepped inside. Zuko lay on his bed, staring blankly at the wall and clutching the sheets so tightly his whole hand was white. Aang sat down, gingerly laying a hand on the prince's shoulder.

"I..." He froze. What did you say at a moment like this? _Your uncle just told us all your tragic story, I'm so sorry your father's a monster_ didn't seem to cut it. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "See, your uncle, he-"

"I know," Zuko said. "The walls are thick, but I heard bits and pieces. Besides, it was only a matter of time."

"Zuko, you did the right thing and your father was wrong," Aang said, the words coming out more vehemently than he'd intended. "You didn't deserve to be humiliated and beaten down, you didn't deserve that scar!" His words were punctuated by another crack of the thunder, but he barely noticed the storm anymore.

"Aang..."

"You _didn't._" Aang threw his arms around Zuko, causing the prince to stiffen in shock momentarily. "You're a good person, you _are_, if you weren't you wouldn't have saved me, or helped Sokka and Katara, or saved your uncle from those Earthbenders."

"You don't know about the things I did before I found you," Zuko muttered. "I've hurt people, I've threatened entire villages for your whereabouts...back home, I helped my father in any way I could to keep the war going until we won..."

"That doesn't matter! As long as I've known you you've been a good person, and that's all that matters to me!" Aang insisted, tightening his hold.

"Your rosy view of me doesn't erase the things I did," Zuko said, reluctantly returning the embrace. "And the only reason I'm not doing those things anymore is because I know you wouldn't like it."

The only sound for the next few minutes was the rain beating against the ship's hull. Zuko's arms tightened around Aang, and finally he smiled a little.

"I...I'm glad we met, Aang," he said. "Because of you, I haven't lost all faith in myself yet."

Aang smiled, fingers toying with Zuko's ponytail.

"It's the least I could do after you saved me."


	3. Hot For Student

_Day #3: Duty_

*

Among the group, Aang was the true innocent. Wide-eyed and curious, still having quite a bit to learn about the world around him after being frozen in time for a century. But innocence didn't necessarily mean a lack of perception, and if there was one thing Aang was learning fast, it was how to read people.

Zuko took his job as Aang's Firebending teacher _very_ seriously. Every day he would take Aang to their designated practice area, just a few feet north of the temple, and they wouldn't come back until it was almost dark. Even when Aang showed vast improvement the sessions still ran so long.

It didn't take Aang long to put two and two together.

"You're not just bringing me out here for Firebending practice, are you?" he asked Zuko one day. "I've gotten so much better, there's no reason for our lessons to be as long as you're telling everyone they are."

Zuko blanched.

"Maybe I think you could be doing better."

"Really." Aang smirked, and Zuko knew the boy could see right through him. No, not the _boy_, Zuko mentally corrected himself. This wasn't the silly kid he'd been chasing for the past three years, before him stood a _young man_ with enough wisdom to last lifetimes and wide gray eyes staring straight into Zuko's own.

"...am I that obvious?" he asked.

"I see the way you've been looking at me, Zuko," Aang said. "You know, if you wanted to get me out here alone for..._other reasons_, all you had to do was ask." And before Zuko could respond he felt the Airbender's lips touch his in an innocent kiss. The building war within him between duty and desire quickly ended as desire won out, and he returned the kiss eagerly.

"The others won't approve of this," he said as they came up for air moments later. "If they find out, especially Katara, I'll be kicked out so fast."

"Then we won't tell them or let them find out," Aang said. "Well, there _is_ Toph, but it's not hard to convince her to keep a secret."

"I'll take your word for it, then," Zuko said, and kissed him again.


	4. Anonymity

Day #4: Secret admirer

*

_Dear Avatar,_

_I know you're still alive, and I'm glad you are. The thought of your death crushed me, and I don't know why...I thought you were my enemy! But somehow you became everything to me, and every day I regret not joining you and your friends. I made the wrong choice and because of my foolishness, you almost died._

_You move me in a way I've never known, Avatar. Those bright eyes, that smile...the first time we met, all I wanted was to tie you up in chains and turn you over to the Fire Lord, but now all I want to do is...well, maybe I shouldn't write it here, someone could see me. The point is, instead of me capturing you, **you** have captured **me**!_

_I need to see you. Tonight when your friends are asleep, meet me in the dark alley behind the prison building...don't worry, I'm not secretly planning to hurt you! I want to see with my own eyes that you're still alive._

_Sincerely,_  
_Your secret admirer_

Aang shook his head and crumpled the letter, tossing it aside.

"Don't worry," he said, "I'm not gonna meet this person. They're probably a spy for the Fire Lord or something like that."

"But who could have sent it?" Katara asked. "I'm just disturbed that someone in the Fire Nation knows you're alive...you've done everything in your power to make sure no one recognizes you!"

"Eh, whoever it is, we'll eventually find them and kick their sorry butt," Sokka said with a shrug.

*

Zuko stood alone in the alley, a single wilted Fire Lily clutched in his hand.

"Guess he's not coming." He looked down sadly, tears threatening to spill over...then, with a frustrated growl he threw the flower to the ground. "Fine then, be a big jerk and stand me up, see if I care!"

Only the howl of the wind answered, and Zuko stormed back to the palace.


	5. Return to The Beach

_Day #5: Warmth_

*

There was no doubt that going to see that play had been a mistake for all of them, but Aang's reaction had definitely been the worst by far. Seeing himself played by a woman had lowered the tone, and every little _thing_ about the show had offended him afterwards. Once they'd gotten back to the house, he'd gone off..._somewhere._ Wherever he'd gone, he hadn't said a word to them.

After everyone else had gone to sleep, Zuko snuck out and headed for a familiar spot on the beach. The same place he'd gone to mope and feel sorry for himself just weeks ago, somehow he had a feeling Aang might be there. Sure enough, he was. Sitting by the same empty campfire circle.

The picture was so familiar it made his chest tighten. Shivering, he wrapped the makeshift blanket-cloak around himself and approached the Airbender.

"Hey."

Aang slowly turned around.

"Oh, hi Zuko. Sorry I kinda stormed off like that," he said.

"Well...look, it was a terrible play," Zuko said. "In the end no one _really_ liked it!"

"But no one else whined and ran out of the theater the way I did," Aang said stiffly. "And that's not even the worst part, you didn't see how I acted with Katara afterwards!"

"Yeah, about that...you guys were acting kind of funny after the play," Zuko said. "What happened?"

"Well, without going into the gory details, I acted like a jerk and an idiot and she probably hates me now!" Aang snapped. "And I deserve that! After all she's done for me, I had no right to-"

"_Aang._" Zuko's voice was stern. "You're not a jerk or an idiot, she doesn't hate you. She's _worried_ about you, just like everyone else," he said. "What's going on? I know being played by a woman isn't the most flattering thing, but still."

"This isn't even _about_ that." Aang turned his back to Zuko, staring down at the sand. "That play opened my eyes, Zuko. It made me realize how stupid and immature I am, how much I've failed everyone I love. My people, Ba Sing Se, then the Invasion...seeing myself killed by the Fire Lord on stage only drove the point home. I can't do this, I'm not good enough to bring balance to the world. I'm not wise or strong or decisive like the others, I'm just a useless kid."

Zuko sat down and pulled the Airbender into an embrace, wrapping them both in the blanket.

"Those stupid writers didn't know what they were talking about," he said, "they just wanted to make everyone but my father and Azula look as bad as possible. You're not a stupid useless kid any more than Momo is a flying rabbitmonkey"

"Okay, fine, so the playwright's an idiot," Aang mumbled, pressing closer to Zuko, and Zuko realized just how _cold_ it was and how _long_ Aang must have been out here. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm _scared_, Zuko, if I fail this time it's _over_ and I'll lose _everything_!"

"Stop it!" Zuko tightened his embrace. "You're not going to fail, okay? We won't let you...no, we don't have to not let you, we _know_ you won't," he said. "We believe in you."

That seemed to be at least enough to make Aang relax. Tentatively, Zuko brushed his lips against his forehead, the same comforting gesture his mother and uncle used to give whenever he was upset. But he didn't _feel_ very motherly or fatherly at the moment, not with Aang's lithe body snuggled so closely against his own.

"Zuko?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we stay here a little longer?" Aang asked. "I'm not ready to face them, especially her...and you feel so warm..."

Zuko smiled, closing his eyes.

"Sure, why not?"

They didn't come back until much later that night. If anyone noticed them sneaking in, they didn't say a word about it the next morning. But Aang definitely seemed to be feeling better.

_That spot is definitely magic_, Zuko thought.


	6. WorstKept Secret

_Day #6: Scars_

*

At some point, the scar had gone from being his mark of shame to his mark of triumph. He'd never expected it to be considered "sexy", but almost immediately after they became lovers Aang had decided that's what it was.

"I'm glad Katara didn't heal it," Aang said, "you wouldn't be my Sifu Hotman without it!" Zuko rolled his eyes.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" Though truth be told, he didn't hate it that much anymore. "But I don't think it would've worked anyway," he said, running a finger along the scar on Aang's back; Aang shivered at the sudden sensation.

"You _know_ what that does to me, Zuko," he whispered, turning a smouldering gaze to his lover. "Did you forget we're outside? And anyone could walk by and see us?" Zuko smirked.

"Why do you think I did it?" He tugged at Aang's robes. "I know you like it when there's a risk of getting caught."

"I do not," Aang insisted, but the Fire Lord knew his Avatar all too well by now. Their relationship was the worst-kept secret in the Fire Nation, and Aang had long since abandoned his fear of being discovered.

"Liar," Zuko hissed, pulling his shirt open and running his fingers along Aang's back again. Aang shivered, reaching for the closures of his lover's pants.

"If you want to be on top tonight, you have to stop doing that," he chided, and let Zuko draw him down for a deep kiss as the rest of their clothes fell to the ground.


	7. Dad

_Day #7: Liquor_

_Yes, Zuko is a former smoker in my AU headcanon. And the last name makes sense, okay? :[_

_*  
_

"Dad called yesterday," Zuko says, and Aang automatically offers his pack of gum. Zuko hasn't smoked in two years, but his friends keep plenty of gum on hand in case he ever gets the urge to light up again. Especially when it comes to dealing with his father.

"Was he at least sober this time?" Aang asks. Zuko pushes a stick of gum into his mouth and nods.

"Thank God for small favors," he mutters. Even though it's no secret among their gang that his father's a drunk, Zuko still cringes and wishes they didn't know every time it's brought up. Ozai Sakada not only drank too much, but Al Bundy is a model father compared to him. At least Al Bundy never hit his kids or locked them out of the house or nearly burned the garage down. That last thing was what made their mother finally divorce him three years ago.

"What did he want?" Aang asks, and Zuko shrugs.

"Just wanted to check in on me, I guess," he sighs. "I talked to him for a few minutes before he asked for Azula, and that's why I'm here." _Here_ being his uncle Iroh's apartment; Iroh gave him the key a long time ago "just in case", and it's come in handy. Even when Iroh isn't there he doesn't mind Zuko coming.

"Oh." Aang nods, and Zuko falls silent, chewing his gum furiously. While he wants as little to do with his father as possible, Azula had been very close to him and constantly flips back and forth between hating him and wanting him to come back. Three years, and the family's still in therapy, still hasn't gotten over the sheer dysfunction that was their lives since Zuko can remember.

But he remembers the happier times, too. Trips to the beach, watching the FOX lineup every Sunday night, Mom and Dad laughing while Zuko and Azula tried to see who could answer the most questions on _Jeopardy_ only to lose to the older and wiser cousin Lu Ten.

"Zuko?" He suddenly feels Aang's hand on top of his and returns to the present. When he sees the concerned look in those wide gray eyes, he realizes he's about to cry. He forces back the tears and leaps up from the couch, spitting his gum out.

"I'm okay," he says. "Are you thirsty? I'll get us something to drink."

"Sure." Aang sits back, and Zuko heads for the fridge. Upon opening it, he sees a bottle of rice wine sitting on the top shelf...almost reflexively, he pushes it to the back. Iroh never drinks the way Dad did, but he doesn't need any reminders right now. He grabs two bottles of 7-Up and sits back down on the couch with Aang. Their hands close around each other, and slowly the uncomfortable feeling melts away.


End file.
